The Journey

I love driving my guys to school in the morning. We have a story that we’ve been weaving since the beginning of the year that we usually fill the trip with. But this morning, we were a bit off, it being a rainy Monday and all, so we just talked instead.

Somehow, we got started talking about the smartest kids in their classes. Teddy, of course, being the modest little guy that he is, volunteered himself for this role in his class. But to his credit, he began talking about different kids who had different areas that they were better at than he. Susie is better at spelling, and Joe is better at math, etc. I made the comment that this is how God made us, so that we would each have our own gifts to help each other and do the special role God has planned for us.

About this time Jeffrey (who had already acknowledged that he was definitely not the smartest kid in his class) began wondering aloud what his special gift was. Before I could say anything, his older brother piped up and said, “Your gift is art. You make the best pictures in the Art Club.”

Jeffrey has been going to an after school art class, and the teacher displays their works in the school hall for all the students to enjoy.

Jeffrey’s response was modest and sweet, but I was so proud of his big brother for encouraging him in that way! As a little sister who grew up in the shadow of a couple of siblings, I know that it’s not always easy.

But then Jeffrey surprised me by saying, “Oh, well, I’m going to be an actor when I grow up.”

This caused me to raise my eyebrows a bit, but I offered to check into some of the children’s theater groups in the area if he wanted me to.

“There’s only one problem, mom,” he said, matter-of-factly. “I have stage fright.”

“Well, there’s only one way to cure stage fright,” I began.

To which Teddy responded, “Yeah, never ever go near one.”

HaHa.

We talked about facing our fears and how doing something over and over again can help. Jeffrey was silent at this news, and by that time we were almost to the drop off point. We said a quick prayer and off they went.

As I was driving home, I felt God nudge me a little.

What?! (I guess I was a bit defensive)

He quietly asked me when the last time was that I followed the advice I had just given Jeffrey. When was the last time I had faced my fears?

Now, Dear Ones, you may not know this, but I have a lot of fears. They aren’t the kind of fears that are easy to see, though. Like, I’m not afraid of spiders, or heights, or flying, or anything like that. My fears are a little more complicated. I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’m afraid of men. I’m afraid of hurting others. I’m afraid that I’m not valued. I’m afraid I’m not good enough. I’m afraid of a lot of things.

For most of my life, I have lived around these fears. God has been so good to me, that I don’t have to think about them very much these days. But they are still there. And every time I spend time with my family, or am reminded of the past, they torture me for a while.

God wants me to deal with these fears. He knows that I need to let go of them.

So, I am beginning a journey. It is one I have avoided a long time. I have to go back where I came from before I can move forward. I don’t know if I can write about these things yet. But you’ll be the first to know if I can!

Pray for me, Dear Ones. God is holding me in His arms. Only He knows where He will take me.

Bless you.

Comments

  1. says

    beautiful post…i will be praying as the Lord Jesus and you begin this deeper journey together! God is really using “steppin up” to pry deeper into my own heart for that area (or areas) that need His deeper healing! Praise Him for loving us enough to change us!!

    Thank you for your sweet prayers and encouragement about the She Speaks Conference. I know God has a plan, it may or may not include my attending the conference this year…but I know He knows what He is doing! Thanks for letting me know about the opportunity…it was fun posting about it and reading all the ladies’ blogs who entered!! I am so loving ‘blog world’!!

    much love, mariel

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