Ghosts

They haunt me.

I see them walking on the street. Or driving past me in a car. Mowing the grass. Shopping.

These things I know they once did with ease. But now their bodies or their brains will no longer cooperate with these once taken-for-granted-activities.

Some days, the stories of my patients ghost around inside of me and won’t let me be.

The knowledge that I am, at least for now, able-bodied/sound-minded—tenders my heart to this life.

I treasure these two legs that hold me up with ease. I revel in this brain that sees (most of the time) clearly my environment and that of those around me. My health, my family, my life—is intact.

At least for now.

This does not make my life more valuable than theirs.

If anything, it is the other way around.

Sorrow leaves a mark. Grief sets apart.

I sit before this man who recently lost a child…and I have no words. No words to comfort. No letters strung together that can make sense of this situation.

The loss etched in his eyes…around the corners of his mouth…

It makes my soul ache.

But we continue to breathe in and breathe out.

What if we all wore our sorrow so openly?

What if our heartaches were written on our faces for all to see?

Would the world be a softer place?

Would we treat each other tenderly? We would be more willing to touch and hold each other? My arms ache to comfort. My heart beats to the sound of sorrow.

Psalms 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

I feel Him there. I see Him in their eyes.

But, so many times, they do not.

There are people hurting all over the world today.

All I can do is offer these hands. I offer this heart.

And pray that they see Him in me.

Comments

  1. says

    I wonder if more compassion would arise. But if we had eyes to see, God’s compassion would. I remember January of 2006 when for 3 months I disconnected so many times from reality and about lost my mind and couldn’t stop it. Until, my beautiful God stepped in or maybe I surrendered but no, it is all about Him and not our performance. I watched it happening to me and couldn’t stop it but when God stirred my heart…I came back alive in ways I had never been. So grateful to think about this a.m. Love reading your posts that make my heart stir and make me think and make me want Him all the more! You are a jewel.

  2. says

    What a great reminder to treasure and appreciate what we have. And great encouragement to reach out to those who are hurting. In one way or another that’s all of us – thanks for sharing your heart today.

  3. says

    Ah sweet sister- Heart throbs and heart breaks… we need to be reminded to treat one another with compassion. We never know what is running around in each others’ hearts and brains!! You sweet one face the hard issues daily and I pray God gives you stamina to take His compassion into the lives of those whose suffereings are so very overwhelming!

    Your love story is precious. I think we need to write them down and read them from time to time to remind us how precious we really are to one another!

    hugs & blessings to you

  4. says

    You have such a beautiful display of our Papa God.
    You are His beauty and His image displayed on you is a breath of fresh air.

    I can only imagine how you must radiate to those who see you…. I only get to read you…. : )

    Thank you for your sweet words on my blog. I feel something transitioning inside me…. it’s awesome…

    Hugs & Love sent your way.

    You are a treasure to me!
    Julie

  5. says

    I always love hearing from you.
    I am exactly 3 months away from our next new family member… and of course I feel not the least bit prepared. We like the name Zoe, but are having a hard time with a middle name. any ideas?
    Your last 2 posts were amazing!
    The fact that you are willing to offer your hands and your heart is pure evidence of Him.
    Thank you friend!
    shanda

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