Pillow Talk

After the tucking in, I always return.

I’m looking to see if it has taken.
I fill my eyes with this sleeping son. Kneel before Him in awe of this gift.
Many times he teeters on the edge…
Between this waking world and that of the dreams.
Always at these times, his heart is open. He gives me sleepy words of love.
There is this from the other night:
“Mom, I never got to tell you how important you are in my life…that’s because I don’t have the words to describe it. It would take too long to tell you all the bests you are…I couldn’t live long enough to say all the bests you are. Even when I’m mad at you I know deep down in my heart that you are the best mommy in the world…”
I call it pillow talk. These sweet words youngest son utters to me in the dark. 
Eyes heavy with sleep…speech slightly weighted…
These sweet words linger. 
And while his heart is open this way, I too lift up words. Carry them gently from my mouth to heaven, and feel them drift into this open place—into this tender heart that now drifts between two worlds.
His pillow talk invites my pillow prayer.
And I wonder what words my Father lifts into my heart as my eyes drift into that sleeping land…
I know He never sleeps. (Psalm 121:4)
I know He sings over me. (Zep. 3:17)
I know his love is unfailing. (Psalm 36:7)
By day I try. Do my best to hide His Word in my heart. At night, does He tuck it in deeper?
He reaches down from heaven and touches me. Caresses my sleeping brow.
And I know that, truly, He is the best Father.
I cannot live long enough to say all the bests He is.

I don’t have the words to describe it.

Comments

  1. says

    Laura, this is absolute beautiful. Your son is so, so precious in his words. Oh my. I think I would have balled. It’s moments like this I feel I am so missing a lot by the decision to never have kids…I guess I should never say never but it’s a mindset I’ve had for 10 years.

    I love the pillow talk and prayer you ended this post with your love for our Father.
    Beautiful, Laura, just like you!!
    Love ya,
    Paula

  2. says

    Just beautiful Laura. My little girls becomes very open and loving when she is teetering between awake and sleep, of which she struggles from some nights. I delight in going into her room after she is asleep and watching her. Such a precious gift from God, who I then speak to and thank, and also ask for forgiveness in areas where I have gone wrong that day in being a mum. Much love, Paula 🙂

  3. says

    Sweetest, sweetest post, Laura. Your youngest has been given your gift with words, it seems. Even in that teetering time between wake and sleep, his heart expressed beautifully.
    And yes, like our sweet Heavenly Father. How lucky we are that we will get to tell Him all those bests in Eternity with Him! He knew we would not have enough time here!
    Love your post…and you.

  4. says

    That is quite a gift for the two of you to have those moments together. It makes me wonder if our grandson, now 1, will learn to relax and go to sleep without struggling like he does. He does not like to go to sleep! He is spending the night, because my daughter in law called and asked me to pick him up from day care so she and our son could run some errands, but then it started snowing, and didn’t let up, so they left him here in case they would have problems sliding. When they left, I was giving him a bottle, and he was almost asleep. Well, he popped up and played another hour, and my husband just got him to go to sleep, even though he did not relax to let it happen.

    I love how you applied God’s fatherly love to your story.

  5. says

    Oh….this is stirring in me a thought of a scripture—probably in Psalms—something about His Word ministering to us even in our sleep—NOT WORDED LIKE THAT AT ALL—oh man, I’ve got to find it.

  6. says

    I don’t know why this makes me cry…something about pillows and whispers in the night and God talk all rolled up in the heart and eyes of a child. I stand on both sides of such conversation. 2 well on their way to becoming adults (19, 17), and 2 still whispering their thoughts without fear and with vulnerability (8,6).

    They grow quickly; I don’t suppose I have to tell you that. You are good to chronicle these moments. They will be your “stones” of strength and remembrance in years to come.

    “Pillow Talk: Pillow Prayers”

    Sounds like the makings of a good book, my friend.

    peace~elaine

  7. says

    Oh, I loved this one… how precious and tender those moments of intimacy are.. You want to capture them and hold on to them forever. I FELT this one!

    Hugs, friend,
    Julie

  8. says

    Laura, the tears flow. Tears of remembrance of past “pillow talk” and the longing that it will continue even though my son is pushing 17. In just another year his head will be resting on a pillow in a university dorm, but my pillow prayers will still be enfolding him.

    You have a gift with words. You write from His heart and His love touches mine.

    You’re right – we can never describe all the bests He is!
    Love & prayers,
    Joy

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