We venture out this morning, lured by the sun and clear blue sky.
Anticipation turns to despair as we step outside and into world of brown.
This beautiful white blanket of snow is slipping away—sliding in snaky rivulets down streets and into gaping water drains.
Left behind is this dirty residue of slushy mire, grimy sludge tainting landscape.
My snowglobe is melting.
Spirits are muddy too, as eyes take in this dingy milieu.
There is something so clean in a snow coverlet. I ponder looking out window as fresh flakes dance in the air, covering bleak terrain in shifting patterns of light.
These diamonds sparkle in sun and speak to me of purity–of covering my sins.
But now, dirt is exposed. What was once pure is polluted with the muck of time.
The muck of time.
Time can carry sullied memories, regrets wrapped in muddied packages. Time unburies bitter roots, exposes jaded views.
that is hidden
under pristine doilies-
beating under a false façade–
How do I melt this heart?
This heart, so cold it’s turned to stone…
Afraid to yield, afraid of what is buried under that thin layer of ice.
We walk, splashing along in gray thoughts, up to shins in this murky soup.
I am talking to Him, always, pouring out this stony heart.
Sunlight dances on melting snow before me.
It catches my eye like the snap of fingers. God’s fingers, perhaps?
And I begin to see.
Brushy grass pushes up through white…straining toward sun.
I bend lower and study these wonders.
Beneath the lacy ice I see, rippling pieces of sun, straining…
Water trickles, gurgles–bursts forth from icy bindings.
I feel a trickle in this heart.
The tiniest of beginnings…
The thaw will come
and melt this stony heart.
Could it be that the messiness of melting is needed?
This awareness of dirt and grime, an awakening?
Oh, God, it hurts.
To stare at the ugliness that is my human nature…
It is only natural to avert eyes—to cover this brokenness with a snowy white coverlet.
But when the blanket is lifted, and dirt is exposed…the sun shines in and all is gently
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26