A few frail flurries fall and I sit, in this warm place…wondering.

My New Testament reading this morning is on the Year of Jubilee and I am thinking of freedom. I am thinking of a broken figure in a hospital bed, held prisoner by a body that once was taken for granted–a vehicle at will.

I think of brave words uttered from cracked lips, of a story telling long torment in an able body…and what it takes to realize the gifts we are given each day of our life.

Do you feel like giving up?

It is something I have to ask.

Do you want to live?

I stare out my window and I ask myself this question.

What does it mean to truly live?

To feel each passing moment in my marrow, detect the pull of gravity on my spirit–measure each turn of the earth with outstretched arms? How can I hear a moment call for calm solitude or clamor in wait of raucous celebration? How to be present in each heartbeat and feel each wisp of breath travel through my nose–move through my body as it is carries life into my unknown places?

Today, I need a map. I am lost–all turned about in this thing I call living.

Yesterday, I asked the boys, “What if today is the best day of your life and you miss it? What if you miss it because you are thinking about tomorrow? Or the next day?”

We were taking LucyMae on her Lenten walk–our constitutional these forty holy days. We missed our promise earlier, so we  walked in the dark–light from neighbors’ windows peeking out at us.

Their moon-faces and shadow-mouths laughed and under cover of night the tide of their laughter sweeps over me and I know. I know they never would miss the best day of their life.

Children have a way of catching joy and carrying it out into their lives.

Why don’t we?

What if everything you knew and understood was pulled out from under you in a single instant?

The Year of Jubiliee came after seven years of Sabbaths. Seven times seven years. In the fiftieth year, liberty is proclaimed. Debts are cancelled; land returned to its original owner, countrymen who are slaves are freed…

I know that Jesus is our Jubilee. He came to set the captives free.

But there are no answers for lost days here. Only questions.

These empty eyes, these silent muscles do not know about the arcana of Jubilee.

So I bring it.

I come alongside. There are words. But presence is all that is necessary.

And the Name, unsaid, fills the room.

I feel each passing moment in my marrow; detect the pull of gravity on my spirit–stretch arms to feel the earth turning. I hear this moment call to me–it whispers all that is required. Each heartbeat ticks the seconds, each wisp of breath breathes life.

Do you want to live?

The Jubilee is inside of me. Sometimes I give it away.

My work is sacred.


  1. says

    The word jubilee encapsulates many others sensory words. I love it when people give honor and tribute to their ‘as is’ life. Not the Christmas Letter version. Jubilee on, whenever it is now…. 🙂

  2. says

    The jubilee was really controlling, wasn’t it? Always part of the thought process. The price of land, basis of a loan, cost of a slave…all depended on how close or far was the next jubilee. Even a people for whom right standing was fleeting, always a little up in the air between one sacrifice and the next, they understood, lived and breathed, by a concept of jubilee, of mercy unwarranted, freedom systematically woven into life’s fabric.

    What did we ever do with that?

  3. says

    I work with those on hospice. Most often they are ready to go. They’ve lived long, full lives, surrounded by love and loved ones. But every once in a while a young cancer patient comes, and they are so angry and sad that here they are and they haven’t yet lived.

    Such a lovely, thought-provoking post. Glad you are back, Laura. Missed your beautiful writing, more than you can imagine. God has granted you such a gift.

  4. says

    Last night while doing my “homework” for Bible study, the question was asked… “What is worship?” My response…

    “Recognizing God for who he is.”

    When we get that, we hold worship and mystery, jubilee and freedom all in one moment. And it’s good and pure and very peaceful place to rest with Jesus. Every now and again, I recognize God for who he is…

    I wish I recognized him more regularly.


  5. says

    “Do you want to live?”
    I have many moments when the answer is “no.”
    This morning I had the thought AGAIN, that maybe what I think is my current reality is really my night dreams, a nightmare. But it is not.

  6. says

    I just turned 50! It’s my year of Jubilee. 🙂

    I love you Laura & love to read your posts.
    You always bless me. Your boys are so fortunate
    to have such a sweet, attentive mom who loves them so much.

    I do want to live! John 10:10 says that Jesus came to give us life…not just life, life to the full. I want that today and every day. Satan roams around seeking whom he may devour. It’s time we all shout “JUBILEE!” Jesus has set us free! Let’s live!!!

    Whoa….:) I was about to start preaching. Ha!

    Love you & hope you have a great weekend.

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