From glory to Glory

They do not even wait until I leave anymore. As soon as I reach the feeder with my old rusty coffee can, they come–perch in tree and bush, hover above my head–and wait. They watch as I fill the transparent tubes, scatter seed on ground for the thrush and occasional rabbit.

Sometimes they sing.

This morning, as I knelt over the can of seed, a song sparrow lighted on the leggy forsythia bush. It was raining but I didn’t care as I stopped what I was doing and gazed up at his prehistoric form. He cocked his head to one side, as if to say, “On with it, lady!”

I smiled and finished the task at hand, barely stepping away before he flitted down onto the fragile sill of the seed trough.

I studied him, fast at work, and remembered my morning reading.

“Are you waiting for me to be revealed?” I mused. A strange, tingly feeling possessed me and it was my turn to wait.

When will this glory come? Mr. Sparrow was oblivious to my plight and if there was some secret knowledge in his heart of when the sons of God will be liberated from their state of decay, he wasn’t sharing.

He was too busy being cute.

Turning away, I savored the simple joy in my heart.

Back inside, I sat at the kitchen table and watched the others come, joining my lone sparrow for feasting. And I pondered the Words.

Sitting there, with rain softly pattering against window and birdsong lifting me, I realized there is nothing I want more. To be shed of burdensome desires, to carry only luminosity…to see with the eye of eternity…

Surly this is glorious.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I would be so much happier if I did not have this dream in my heart. Suddenly, it felt very easy to let go.

The weight that lifted was tremendous and I wondered why God puts these dreams in our hearts, anyway. I knew it was a foolish thing to ponder. I know the answer. Well, part of it anyway.

The dreams themselves are beautiful. They give me yearning, longing, desire to seek. A metaphor for the Bigger Dream. But when I lose sight of this, when I hold the smaller dream in tightly clutched fists…this is when the yearning turns to sorrow.

Unsilting the two–sorting and sifting–this is the real work.

Why is it so easy to get lost? I ask it with an earnest heart. It is not my desire to put anything before Him.

And He reminds me of the birds. How they wait for me to fill the feeder. Trusting in my hand.

He is asking me to trust Him.

Do I dare? I have before, with mixed results–at least with these temporal eyes. Is my faith so fragile as to crumble with the smaller dream? Do I not still have the Bigger?

Does any of this matter anyway?

I know it does, and yet it doesn’t. Immediately before the verses I have been pondering, Paul says, I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

It does, and yet it doesn’t. These heartbreaks, these daily hassles…they matter. But they don’t matter the most.

So I am sifting. My goal is to keep my thoughts focused on the higher things. It doesn’t mean these other things do not matter. They just need not matter as much.

Will you please pray? I thank you most sincerely. I am, after all, a work in progress.



The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage of decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. (Rom. 8:19-21)

photo by Steve Greaves, from flickr creative commons

Comments

  1. says

    Laura – thank you for your transparency. My heart aches as I also walk your words, sifting and seeking. These verses have been in my mind, encouraging, sustaining…
    “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-17
    Praying God’s grace and glory will fill you completely.

  2. says

    Laura, I have been praying. I will keep praying.
    While I was reading your beautifully, insightful words I kept imagining Jesus sitting beside us when we are hurting from the loss – His tears mingling with ours. I like to think that although the smaller dreams should not matter as much (that there is a far better dream ahead)He knows the sorrow and understands.
    I pray His presence, His peace and His tender compassion will fill and surround you.

  3. says

    Wow, Laura. This post is poetry, not in the sense of meter and rhyme and all that jive, but in the way it wove desire, beauty & His Truth. And the way it grasped my heart, my deep places of desires and where I wonder what matters. The pondering of why I yearn for any of it…

  4. says

    Desire. Some people kill desire so it won’t hurt. Living between the tension of the desire and the pain, that’s the sweet spot. Sounds like you found it.

  5. says

    So beautiful!!! My thoughts are directed toward the Scripture that says “now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face….” We shall see him as He is and as we gaze upon Him, we are transformed from glory to glory. I believe the frustration arises when we try to transform ourselves instead of gazing and allowing the power of the gaze to do the transforming. And the smaller blemishes find their mend along the way as a part of the transformation as well. Thanks Laura, I needed to ponder of some of this. 🙂 Have a great weekend!!

  6. says

    I wish I could give you a hug.
    And it is so mysterious isn’t it. Trust is my word for the year. But I also need to learn that slow is a huge part of this.
    I eluded to how much I wonder, when I wrote about being stuck, because how do we determine what is our path. How do we know when to let go of .

    Trust .

    love to you. and you are always in my heart and prayers.

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