Learning to Breathe

I remember how it felt.

Knees slightly bent, pulled up–reclining against his chest. It was almost time, but not quite. Anticipation, fear, excitement…so real I could pluck them out of the air around me.

I want you to find something in the room… she said. It can be anything. Focus on that object. What color is it? How big? What is the shape? Do not take your eyes off that focal point. Now…breathe.

And I did. Pulled air from outside in, felt invisible tendrils inhabit lungs and blood and tissue. In went fear, transforming into something altogether different as it traveled through my body and reached the exhalation point through parted lips.

Breathe through, she said.

It seemed so easy.

But when the time came, it was not so. Who could anticipate such pain? So deep, so far inside.

I wanted to hold my breath. Wanted to stop breathing at all.

Breathe through, he whispered, as I crushed his hand in mine.

Breathe through.

Birthing a dream is no less painful. A different pain, yes, but one that runs deep.

Why do we think that death comes only at the end of life? When, each time I hold my breath something dies inside?

Breathe through, He whispers.

I choose my Focal Point. It cannot be just anything.

Sometimes I forget to breathe. My eyes stray. Desire and fear flood lungs…threaten to break open fleshy confines and gush forth.

Breathe through, He whispers.

So I do. It’s not that easy. But, one breath at a time, I go on.

Learning to breathe again.

Comments

  1. says

    some day
    we will be with our King
    and we will never again have to remember to breathe

    Laura, your writing is so beautiful, it never fails to touch me, thank you for sharing your heart and your gift

  2. says

    My heart breaks for whatever dream was dashed with a NO and seemingly caused you to relearn mere breathing…

    Birthing a dream is no less painful, yes that is true, but to borrow a word from Kathleen, I reckon you have many “midwives” here, ready to give you gentle encouragement.

    Blessings, friend.

  3. says

    wow, powerful. we have all been there I would guess. it stikes me how you are able to still communicate that feeling so perfectly now that you are awake… xoxo LA

  4. says

    Praise the Lord! Reflecting on the basics always brings New Life. I have had a hold my breath week and I am thankful that as I opened your blog I refueled with confirmation in my spirit about what God has been speaking to me. I rejoice in how He is ministering to me through You!

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