i don’t want to
not like this,
he said;
spoke a tale
of third generation
pondered aloud
rat poison and
and i was taught
we take these
things seriously…
even in one i love.

auntie taught me
so, when
she overheard six-
year-old little
say i wish i
was dead when
spurned by the
midget cousin
who was loved more
than i.
she gave no
comfort, only

there was the time
i drove
45 miles to sit
in the ER with
my friend while they
her stomach. She
didn’t want to
die…just to stop

does he?

my only answer is
to live.
yes, to live well
and try.


  1. says

    We have had a spate of teenage suicides in this area recently. There was even a suicide pact among several students at one high school (not children living in bad circumstances either). Two of these (girls age 15) stepped in front of a train and were killed. It is very disturbing and sad to see young people who conclude life isn’t worth the bother.

    There were times in my own past when I thought such things.

    I don’t want a kindhearted killing of my life
    I’ve said too often I want to
    Kill me!
    But I remained to better things

    It can be difficult sometimes to explain to people that there are better things to remain for when they are at a bleak point.


  2. says

    Sometimes I wonder if we may all have these enemy thoughts at one time or another. Thinking that to die would ease the pain. Like Stonefox I am so grateful God is there to help. Such grace that He sends people like you to give some light when the darkness closes in.

  3. says

    ditto, Kelly. Ache and tears…too close to home.
    Suicide is painful; for the one who wants to stop hurting and the ones who continue to hurt after their pain stops.

    live well and try


  4. says

    When my son was in elementary school, one of his best friends hanged himself at his home while his parents were out one evening. At the funeral were hundreds of students who had known this child and considered him their friend and scores of parents who never had a clue. If only this articulate “bright light” had been able to accept that he was not alone. . .

    You might be interested in Diane Ackerman’s book “A Slender Thread: Rediscovering Hope at the Heart of Crisis”; it’s about a year that Ackerman spent on a crisis hotline.

  5. says

    sometimes it is the only way to stop the hurting.

    no one wants to live in deep pain of some kind.

    if a person has not met Jesus as Lord and Savior, then how are they to live?
    where do they get the hope or faith to try?

    we all walk through the valley of death and it’s shadow. we are going through death as we live.

    we all need Jesus to be by our side.

  6. says

    Yes, praying with Nancy for all.

    Amazing how close this is to so many. Either by their own hand (mine was a bottle of pills) or that of a friend (a boy in high school) or a family member (my second-cousin) or my husband’s almost-cousin.

    I don’t know who had Jesus. Mine wasn’t successful, praise God.

    All the others were. Lord, have mercy.


  7. says

    I think this is a perfect example of Romans 8:28 in your life… what the enemy meant to harm a small child, God used to help another young man.

    i love you, Laura.

  8. says

    This is one of the hard parts of being in the mental health profession. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. They are needed.

  9. says

    Praying that you will have words that offer hope and healing. Words that reach deep breaking through rough exteriors, bringing life to the devastated soul who feels that a part of him has died already … or perhaps never really lived.

    Breathe on him oh breath of God!

    Thankful you are there to rescue those who are pleading for help, Laura. Those hoping someone will care enough to bring them a net.

    Love you,

  10. says

    quietly offering prayers.
    and thanking God for people like you.

    I wish I don’t know of what you speak, but I do, of course. a certain loved one who didn’t pass, is now happier than they could have ever imagined. In that instance , I am grateful every day.

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