On Lederhosen and Orhodontist Phobias

We had a traumatic visit to the orthodontist yesterday, though the good dr. and his staff of lady bugs were as solicitous as usual. There were a few fun moments in the waiting room when I took Jeffrey through a relaxation exercise in which he rested soft on a cloud. But I have strange parenting techniques and as Jeffrey reclined in that stiff waiting-room chair, eyes closed, almost relaxed…I could not resist making my visualized Jeffrey taste the cloud, and when he found it tasted of vanilla he ate the whole thing out from under himself. Following which he began to free-fall through the sky…until he discovered he had feathered wings, after which he soared, viewing the earth below and the orthodontist’s fell waiting area as so small a speck…

Needless to say, this adventure did not yield the desired effect. Jeffrey’s phobia of the orthodontist continues.

So we wrote a poem.

Lederhosen and Chest Pains

Lederhosen makes you
look like a
walking sock.

Even if you are
very hungry you
should never eat

the mailman’s breath
smells like stinky

you should never
ever ever eat
properly seasoned
with salt.

Dragons are
big and
very mean.

Some people think
that a chair
is a bean.

Even if you like
to dance…

Don’t install a
printer inside
your pants.


Don’t forget to leave a comment on this post for a chance to win a signed copy of Elaine Olsen’s new book, Peace for the Journey.

photo by onecrazyweasel, flickr creative commons


  1. says

    What fun!

    I keep finding more and more oddities, err, things, that we have in common. I used to use similar relaxation techniques on my 7th grade health class. I remember the fear I accidentally created when I had them all laying flat on the floor, lights out, and me standing at the back of the room talking in hushed tones!

    Since I was only a lowly student-teacher at the time and nobody could understand the deafeningly quiet coming from the usually noisy room, teachers were gathered about the door pushing to peak into the window. They originally thought the class had put me into the closet and then fled the scene. HA!

    Loved your mingled words…printers in the pants might make ya hoola dance.


  2. says

    Tell Jeffrey, I feel his pain. I am getting a crown this month. I have the temporary and I am waiting on the real deal. My dentist is a friend and he has never hurt me, but I still don’t like to go.

    Great poem!!

    I would love to win this book.

    Blessings, hugs, and prayers,

    PS: Thank you for all your sweet comments on arise 2 write.

  3. says

    I never went to an orthodontist, but I still hate my trips to the dentist. I’m with Jeffrey — a phobia about someone poking around in your mouth and occasionally inflicting pain is normal.

  4. says

    I may take you along the next time I have to go for my annual checkup Laura! We could write a great poem – almost as clever as Jeffrey’s 🙂

  5. says

    I realize I’m much older than your son, but as I lost both front teeth in a car accident in high school (on my only and last double date), I’ve had my share of phobias when it comes to dental work! There’s actually a silver lining to that accident, which I’ll have to address at another time. “For all things work together for good to those who love the Lord………”

  6. says

    I love this & definitely feel Jeffrey’s pain.

    I’m not real fond of the dentist office or the orthodontic office either. I got braces when I was an adult. The patient’s chairs were in a large room that faced a wall of picture windows. I remember very vividly one of my appointments when it was raining and thundering and there was a lot of lightning and I sat there with all those wires sticking out of my mouth. All I could think of was electrocution.
    Seriously, it was a little scary. : /

    I’d love a chance at winning Elaine’s book. Please put my name in the hat. 🙂

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