Breathe

It was a terribly awful Sunday and I cried on and off all afternoon and into the evening when Jeffrey asked me if I would come up early to tuck him in so we could snuggle for a while.


You never snuggle with me anymore.

So I put aside the hurt I felt and climbed the stairs to enter into soft boy-skin and a tangle of legs and arms. We snuggled.

Do you want to say the prayer tonight?

I asked it because I hoped he did, because thinking about God made me cry again, and my heart felt tender still from the fresh wounding.

Okay, he said. And he did. And this is how he started:

Dear God, he said. Thank you for all the blessings and even for the bad things because we know they’re here for a reason. Thank you for today…umm…we all had a pretty good day of it. (Really?) Yeah, pretty good.

And he went on, asking for blessings, giving thanks, praying from his heart. I was silenced by his beginning, but it gave me hope so I asked,


What do you want more than anything in the world?

He didn’t even hesitate.

God.

I looked at his white face shine in the dark.

Are you just saying that because you know I want you to?

He giggled.

No. Then he reached both his hands to the ceiling as if he could reach heaven. Because, without God, what are we?

He silences me again with his words, but I’m still skeptical.


Okay then, what would be second?

No hesitation, God.

Really?

He giggles again.

Yes.

Then he stops and see the wheels turning.

Well, he said. After God there is something else.

What is it?

Air.

So I gulp it in big mouthfuls and discover that I am still breathing and I look at this wonder-boy and kiss him goodnight and when I go to bed I say a prayer of my own.


Dear God, Thank you for all the bad stuff. I want you—I need you like air. Amen.

Comments

  1. says

    oh the simplicity with which we forget to view the world, view our God… this is walking humbly, knowing nothing but our need for Him, enjoying the air we have to breathe.

    I’m keeping this post somewhere.

  2. says

    I was thinking of you last night, but never got back on the computer to send an email.
    I read your comment at Emily’s and it broke my heart, knowing that yours is struggling so.
    I am sure it’s a complicated situation, and there are no simple answers, nor will the whole thing work itself out in a day or two.
    Just want to let you know that I’m here.

    love to you.

  3. says

    Powerful and tender sharing my friend.

    What a beautiful exchange…

    Loved this: “Dear God, Thank you for all the bad stuff. I want you—I need you like air. Amen.”

    Praying for you and your family with love.

  4. says

    AMEN….so simple…love it…receiving the kingdom like a child…abiding, stepping out to pursue the meat but with the readiness of child like faith…sweet

  5. says

    Wow, girl! We are walking the same path. I’ve been thinking about God and air. Your young one? Right on! I’m thinking of these words from Peter to Jesus: “Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We’ve already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God.” Yes. Like air.

    Looking forward to breathing with you!

  6. says

    Oh Laura! Isn’t God so wonderful to give us sons? They really do see through to the heart of the matter or should I say, they miss the problems and only see the answers. Praying for you as you walk your journey. Praying that the air will be sweet as you breathe it in and you will be refreshed and renewed. ~Jessica

  7. says

    It is a precious thing when the Father speaks to us through the voices of our children.
    Our music minister said something the other night (something I need to write a post on) that just burned its way into my heart:
    “When I have Christ my whole life makes sense.”
    And I thought yes – even the nightmarish things we think we cannot survive – He makes even those make sense. He is in those things too. He is the air that we breathe.

  8. says

    Praying for you dear, Laura…don’t know exactly what is going on in your world and its not for me to know but just know i’m praying for you and asking the LORD to wrap you in his love…Sleep well dear one.

    Laura

  9. says

    Pillow moments… how I love yours! Kids have a way of bringing us around again to faith. I know mine certainly do. Thank you for sharing this tender moment with us.

    peace~elaine
    PS: When you can, stop by the blog and read the latest entry which includes a poem from my Uncle Bill. I think you’ll like it…

  10. says

    Oh Laura – this is the second post in 2-3 days that I read, wanted to comment on and still had no words.

    Thank you for sharing your tears. Thank you for sharing your “pillow moments” as Elaine called them. What a blessing… how precious….. and how God uses them in you, for you.

    I have been thinking of you often and hoping you are ok….. I will keep on praying for you and yours… Love you, Heather

  11. says

    I love this. So very much. I need Him like air, too. Thank you.

    And I’m so sorry for the heart-breaking happenings in your life right now. May He help you through this valley with His presence and love.

  12. says

    Laura,

    I’m not sure what your are struggling with in your spirit…but I want you to know that you are in my prayers every day. It sounds like God is speaking through your son. 🙂 The innocent and free faith of a child teaches us so much. I have had a similar experience at times with our seven year old son. May God fill your spirit with His amazing breath of life!

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