New Creation

I stand with my knees quaking and my stomach churning, not knowing…not understanding. This wild feeling of the world upside down…things out of place. I don’t hear one word of the sermon…grief and confusion and worry for Liz make my mind too crowded for anything else. Love does that.

Where is it here?

Let’s tuck into God, I tell him. Let’s pull away from all this.

It’s okay to bow out gracefully.

I only want to think about good things tonight, I tell him.

I can do that, he says, if we stay away from there.

I look away.

It’s my fault, he says. I should be bigger—more mature.

And I can’t stand the hole that grows. I think of all the times he was so much bigger—so much more mature. And I know Christ died for my sins and it looms large but I wonder what He’s up to, breaking things this way.

We are only human.

So we drive to a new place, dine overlooking the square–just the four of us…pretend we’re okay. And we go, because we already have the tickets.

And in the dark and flashing lights, a small hand reaches for mine and I feel the trust there and I feel the impact of it all on him.

And my heart dances.

We worship with hands in the air.

Today I give thanks.

For the strength to make it through.

For darkness.

For handholding in the dark.

For music.

And passion.

And a red-haired boy with passion.

Leeland Mooring of the band Leeland. That boy is on fire. And I’m not just talking about his hair.

And when he sang this song.

For deep faith stories and fathers who share.

Matt Hammit of the band Sanctus Real talks about his infant son’s heart surgery and how it has grown his faith.

And when they sang this song.

For this word, that sustained…through church, through Sunday school. I just kept writing it over and over on my bulletin.

That even in the hard stuff, He is there. And I feel Him there too. 

For my husband. That dear, long-suffering man who has given grace to those who are trying to show grace to another. No matter how much it has hurt him. Because he is bigger. And more mature.

For the way God makes all things new.

I am new today, friend. I am new.

holy experience


  1. says

    Tears for the pain, tears for the joy in the gifts you received and will receive in this.
    Praying for you, still, my friend.
    God is here.

  2. says

    My heart rejoices with yours Laura. I am unendingly grateful that He truly does make all things new – again and again.
    Ah Laura – He hears and answers prayer – it is the most wonderful miracle.

  3. says

    “In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed.
    In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling.”

    Thankful…that we know the One who knows, who sees, who never walks away…who carries us when we can’t….so thankful you went to what He had for receive and worship your Love.

    We feel that we have slipped to the end of our rope…about to lose our business, office broken into over the weekend and my mother having a heart attack today, no church home…all that ever defined life seems gone or temporarily stripped away….yet I am stunned at His peace that can hold us together when life happens….He is God, He sits on the throne…He is enough. His forgiveness, sweet love extended so freely is enough to carry us through. This is all temporary…this too shall pass and thus we hang on to His hem.
    Praying your abiding with Him is sweet this week. I keep reminding myself to look at Him…not the circumstances of a messy life.

    Love that Leeland song…thanks for sharing it.

  4. says

    Oh, sister of mine. I hear you and I know this well. He does make all things new…He shows strength when we are small and weak and immature – that’s when He shines bright. And yes, He shines bright through you.

    Love you.
    Miss you…

  5. says

    …You will bring them and plant them in the mountain of Your inheritance. The place, O LORD, which You have made for Your dwelling. The sanctuary, O Lord, which Your hands have established. (Exodus 15:17).

  6. says

    the images of worship in song are tender mixed with power..for your husband and you .. the lyrics mixed with reality..thinking of you friend…

  7. says

    I know how difficulties can overwhelm us. I am there today. But, I also know my God is all I need. He is in control.

    Thanks for your words.


  8. says

    over and over my heart hears that God is near to the broken in spirit.

    He is near. What a profound, moving thought if we truly stopped to think about it…that our elbows grace His every day, His shoulder brushes against my arm, His arms wrap big around me, His eyes ever so intently on my mouth, watching my words…on my eyes listening to my heart.

    He is near….

  9. says

    Laura, I’ve read your post several times and would like to comment but I’m not really sure what to say. It is beautiful and I sense sadness and joy in your writing. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thanks for sharing such intimate feelings.

  10. says

    I don’t know how you are able to continually open your heart and turn it inside out, but I stand in awe at your gift and sadness for your situation. Life…and people…can be so disappointing sometimes.

    There is nothing like a grace-filled concert to energize and restore and glorify. Thanks for sharing! I needed the boost.

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