One Thousand Gifts: The Now Sancuary

I am reading the chapter again and I am highlighting and taking notes and wondering and I run out of time. I get up an hour early to write the post but it’s not early enough because these words jump out at me: Thanks makes now a sanctuary. Those words jump out at me and grab my heart and it pulses with ingratitude and busy and it gasps for the sanctuary of now.
 
My hands feel heavy on the keyboard and the still, small Voice calls. I leave the computer. Go to the bay—the place we always meet. I press my forehead to glass and see that the morning sky is cotton pulled thin and the sun is ripening behind this veil. I hear the robins soothe with morning song and watch a rabbit nibble clover in the front yard. 
I close my eyes; let beauty make an imprint on my soul. 
Thank you, I whisper. Thank you.
But it’s not enough and this I know so I pad quiet up the stairs—to the sleeping places. And there he is with those long lashes resting on cheeks. His legs reach the bottom of the bed now and he’s rolled on his tummy, as always. My fingers itch to touch a cheek, to stroke those thick locks that never behave but I know that this time is not for touching…just seeing.
 
I do. I see him. I see him and the words he told me last night—about not knowing what to be, who to be, what he wants.  What I want from him.
The ache sits heavy inside of me—all that I want for him. 
Happy, I had whispered to him in the dark. I only want you happy. That’s all.
 
To be thankful in the now, I must let go of expectation. Of all that I want. 
…here-time asks me to do the hardest of all: just open wide and receive. (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts).
I can’t make time stand still–can’t stop boys from growing or hearts from hurting with that growth. I can’t fix all that is broken in my tiny world. And when I try? Worry. It’s worry what fills the moments when I get out my toolbox and start tinkering. 
All that I have is this moment. I open wide and receive. And I am thankful. 
…When I fully enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment…(Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts)

This is the fourth in a series on Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right WhereYou Are.  Join me this time next week for a reflection on Chapter five

Related:
One Thousand Gifts: Chapter One
One Thousand Gifts: Chapter Two 
One Thousand Gifts: Chapter Three 

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Comments

  1. says

    I have had that conversation with that boy who was growing too fast, and I have reached for that toolbox and done the tinkering. So glad you went to him, received the gift of the moment. I had a moment like that yesterday. It was a beautiful gift.

  2. says

    On a shallow note–I wish the rabbits in my yard would eat the clover. They seem to pick any pretty flower instead of all the offerings I’d prefer!
    On a thankful note–I’d forgotten that line about Now. When I’d prayed for a word this year, that’s the one God gave me right after Christmas. It’s been helpful on many levels, but there have been moments when I’ve seen the word in a context different from my intention. It’s nice to see it in this way:)
    Sounds like you embraced your morning of Now. Blessings. As a mother I hear you.
    Oh! Your photo is beautiful. Looks like the Queen Anne’s Lace I saw on my walk this morning in such abundance it resembled hydrangeas.

  3. says

    “I can’t fix all that is broken in my tiny world. And when I try? Worry. It’s worry that fills the moments when I get out my toolbox and start tinkering.”

    Sigh. Trust is at once the hardest and the easiest work we do, isn’t it?

    May the grace of God set apart your weekend as a Now sanctuary and grant eyes to see His gifts.

  4. says

    It is so hard to rest in here and now Laura. We want to run ahead and make the way safe and good, when really He is the only one who can. It is a difficult lesson to learn. I struggle so with it.
    You write it so beautifully. I pray we learn to treasure the moment and rest in His love.

  5. says

    “I can’t fix all that is broken in my tiny world.”…oh how this hurts our mother-hearts…and yet…with Ann…

    hearts forged strong with GODly fire can lift our loved ones to Him and live each moment with thankfulness..

    for the fire…for the strength that comes…bless you friend.

  6. says

    Well, sweet Laura – you have captured this so wondrously. Every word shimmers and I am grateful. I loved this chapter of Ann’s book and need to go back and re-read it as summer begins pulling me faster than I wish it might. Thank you, thank you.

  7. says

    We can’t stop time, and yet we must live in the NOW. Yesterday is past, and tomorrow will be sooner than we know. Moment by moment with our God we live and move and have our being.

  8. says

    I have started my list. I do it at the end of my daily quiet time. It does help me to be here and to appreciate the now. Not completely, though. But I will stick with it and see what God does.

  9. says

    i landed over here .. as i was meant to ..in your sweet moment ..thank you ~~

    I enjoyed all of the VBS posts last week too!!

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