Playdates With God: Dinner for Mom

I tried not to cry about it but that’s just who I am. Hope has a funny way of manifesting herself, so I just prayed. And when the time came, I took so much joy in preparing food grown by my own hands. I put so much love into a casserole. I watched my man brine the chicken and fire up the grill and hunt down the right recipe. I felt his love for me poured out too.
And the sweet of the cake. It sweetened life. Jeffrey and I licked the beaters and it felt like a celebration.
I knew they wouldn’t all come, despite the invitation. And I tried hard not to let that stab at me. Tried to let go. But it’s about more than the pictures put up on Facebook, it’s about trust and loving well. And it’s hard for me to accept that a person who can go door to door and talk to strangers about God can’t find a way to love a sister—can’t find a place in the life for someone who opens the doors of her heart so wide. That’s not Jesus to me.
But it’s better this way, I tell myself. And I leave my heart open, instead of the usual shutting it all down. It’s all in the way of seeing. So I let my mother love me for the next several hours–just me. And it was sweet.
And I saw it—the Love. For the first time, I felt accepted. Because I let myself be. And I saw so many things beyond the flat of the glass window pane. It felt good to let myself be and to love this way.
Sometimes I wonder how good it must feel to never question these things, to always know. And I know it doesn’t really matter. We are where we are for a reason.
The Potter keeps shaping me, remaking me. His thumb trails along the curve of my heart just so. 

How about you? How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. And come tell us about it.

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Sharing with L.L. Barkat today also:

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Want to learn more about my Muse? Join us over at The High Calling for our new book club–which continues today–on Luci Shaw’s Breath for the Bones: Art, Imagination, and Spirit: Reflections on Creativity and Faith.

Comments

  1. says

    It is the courageous, and hard thing to sit with our disappointment–to love from that place, to be there.

    In church yesterday, the pastor was describing two lines. The first is our expectations—set high. The second is reality–what actually happens, usually this line is lower. He said: “it’s what we fill the gap with that matters”. Do we fill the gap with anger, resentment, bitterness, or do we fill the gap with grace.

    Praise Him! You chose to fill that gap with grace!

  2. says

    Leaving your heart open in the wake of a hurt, a slight, a disappointment…can anything be more courageous?

    Thank you for your open heart, Laura, and for showing us, here, what’s in there.

  3. says

    I see love in the preparation, in the way your man helped you and loved you along the way. I’m glad you issued the invitation, risked the disappointment, and kept your heart open. You have such a beautiful heart, Laura.

  4. says

    Laura, the food you prepared was beautiful, but couldn’t hold a candle to the beauty of the heart that beats in you. You lived grace right out loud, and your heart left open, despite the hurt, is such a holy offering. Praying for a softer heart to grow in your sister and for you to be comforted and filled with God’s super-abounding grace.

  5. says

    A beautiful way of finding gratitude even amidst the disappointment. A powerful way of choosing “yes” despite the lingering “nos.”

  6. says

    You have prepared your feast with love and if some do not accept the invitation it is to their hurt – – not yours. God is that way too, he invites all to his feast, but some refuse the generous call to come! Enjoyed your lovely photos and they depict your love as well.

  7. says

    “We are where we are for a reason.” Amen.
    Your vegetables and cake are beautiful, and communicate such Love. A picture of your heart. Your husband’s part in the meal sounded wonderful too. Glad the love was returned to you, even if not how originally hoped. I admire you for your hope, for seeing the good in the reality, and for the Love you authentically share.

  8. says

    Oh, Laura. Your words revealed the continuing brokenness I hold for one of my sisters from a belief she held spoken by our mother in one of her moments when her dementia-riddled mind grabbed ahold of her. Later on, Mama had absolutely NO recollection of this. My sister held it against me for almost three years. We know can communicate but it is very much on the surface.
    I truly MUST release this hurt to God, surrendering my pain and sadness. And God will shape me and mold me into the ~ linda He desires.
    Thank you for helping me chase this away, Laura. Thank You, ~ linda

  9. says

    Ah Laura, it is so hard to understand the ways of the heart. I can’t imagine anyone not loving you to pieces.
    I’m thankful for the time you had with your Mom, and you’ve reminded me to cherish what I have with mine. I must never take for granted such love.

  10. says

    Thank you for being so transparent. It is so difficult to deal with disappointment, but I am so thankful for His grace that helps overcome!

  11. says

    Do you remember the parable in the Bible about the wedding feast that nobody came to? They all had excuses…purchased land, a new wife…God’s heart must feel like this. Reading your disappointment urges me to always accept God’s invitation to dine with Him.

    Love how you’re keeping your heart open even though in humanness it would be easier to close it.

  12. says

    I’m sorry that your family is broken. Of course sometimes that must make you broken-hearted. But out of your pain and need, God has brought you to your knees before him, and is at work healing all the broken places. “Greater is he (God) that is in us than he (devil; evil) is in the world. The Lord bless you today.

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