Name-Caller

The morning clutches its mantle of dark and the moon still peeks—just a sliver of a smile. The grass is frosted over and I can see my breath in front of me—long lacy tendrils that stand out against the dark. I am grateful for this fleece robe—the one my sister-in-law bought me for Christmas when I was eight months pregnant with my first. He’s almost fifteen now and the robe wraps around me twice but ­­it is warm and it is comfortable and I am much too frugal to throw away something that has worked perfectly fine for all these years.
I wait for Lucy Mae at the edge of the yard under the smiling moon. She doesn’t like the crispy grass either and she picks her way slowly before finding the perfect spot. Fog settles into the low places and a mist begins to rise as the round earth’s imagined corners begin to glisten red.
She said I was a name-caller. And I’ve been able to think of little else.
Where does that come from? She wanted to know.
Her words jarred me—the mirror was broken and suddenly, I see truth. I would never dream of calling another, see, but I call myself bad names.
The way the sky fills with light in the morning is a mystery to me. I know the scientists can tell me how it happens. How the sun is rising on one side of the horizon, but the other begins to glow long before she shows her morning face. There must be a way the light is diffused…maybe a series of astronomical mirrors reflect and refract the rays until they push out darkness…everywhere. Maybe these giant mirrors show truth. I don’t know, but the moon’s warm smile is growing dim and Lucy Mae has decided she doesn’t mind the grass stiff with cold after all.
I walk the driveway to the paper box and back to the porch; give her a whistle and a call.
Come on, girl, it’s cold out here!
The light is spreading.
She had me read Ephesians 1:3-14. She told me to personalize it.
Praise be to the God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed me in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose me in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight…he lavishes on me…I was also chosen…
The sun lifts up and steeps in the hillsides to gather strength. Before my eyes the night is turning into day. We go back inside to warm. 
We’ve been talking about Stewardship at church and I know I need to take better care of what God loves. 
The way the light fills the morning is a mystery to me. The day becomes slowly, then all at once and  I am shedding this robe. It doesn’t work perfectly fine anymore.
With Jen today:

And Michelle:

Image by photofarmer. Used with permission. Sourced via Flickr.

Comments

  1. says

    I have wrestled with bad self-talk and and gained much from the wrestling. When it started to grow worse, I told God I would do anything He pointed out for me to do. He brought someone my way. Though it was 5 months after my prayer, I recognized immediately, saw the connection between this person and the prayer I had prayed. So I went to see this person. I had to overcome a few obstacles to do it, too, but it was one of the best things I ever did. God was in it.

    Rambling, rambling……sorry….this post is so important.

  2. says

    Here are some names: Daughter of the King, Treasured Possession, Deeply Loved. I think those are good names.

    I agree–there’s probably some science involved in the way the morning light overcomes the darkness. But I prefer not to think about it. I prefer your lovely poetic words.

  3. says

    I haven’t really given this much thought before, but I can be guilty of being a name-called too. I love how you were told to personalize the Scriptures – make them about you, because they are about you, and about me. We are fearfully and wonderfully made – God’s most prized possession. Many blessings to you today!

  4. says

    In His Image, you are so very beautiful. We all are. But the accuser would have us not believe Truth. Thank you for the reminder to speak Truth over ourselves. I just finished Hannah Hunard’s “Winged Life” this morning and it exploded my definition of Love so completely that it has changed everything. And that Love that we are to have for others, we are also to have for ourselves. So precious how the Spirit has connected her “dots” with yours here. Thank you, precious heart. 🙂

  5. says

    I do this too. Ugh, and then I get mad at myself for it . . . which leads me to more self-loathing. 🙂

    I am trying to fix it, trying to rest, to recognize my TRUE identity, to see myself through grace eyes. It’s not easy.

  6. says

    It’s all about remembering WHO’s we are….why would we call His beloved a name. He sees us spotless…He loves us no matter what. Removing the damage from our spirits, hearts and minds of the past…embracing His redemption of those wounded places. You are so precious… I think when we focus on what we think of ourselves we are falling into the trap of us before Him. He will always convict where needed. Whom am I to mess with His child! (but we do don’t we?) Picture His throne…running to jump into His arms, embraced by perfect love, safe, secure, protected…LOVED. Let Him take care of the rest. As we love ourselves better we can love others better …. Oh what a journey WE are on! So thankful we know we are HIS!

  7. says

    Loved the way the mist sqirled around the morning as you allowed your puppy some quality time. Good choice of scripture too that goes well with your post. Beauty, beloved,chosen,special that is what YOU are!

  8. says

    Funny how in those moments of shedding (behaviors, attitudes, bad habits, or robes) we’re not quite sure who we are … at that moment. The important thing is not to knee jerk and put it back on. Let him clothe you with his choice new robe … I’m pretty sure he’s given the name calling hat away… he knows it doesn’t fit you right. Laura, you are so lovable. Thank you for this post.

  9. says

    Hm. I’m realizing that if a friend of mine spoke to me as harshly and disrepectfully as I speak to myself, well…I would probably reexamine the friendship.

    Thanks, Laura. This is beautiful, like you.

    PS: Reading about your Lucy Mae, and watching my pack search for the right spot, makes me really glad that my toilet stays put. I wouldn’t like having to look for it every time I need it.

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