These shortened days are full and we have been at church or with our church friends a lot lately. God is always there and He loves us through their hands, with their words. We eat together and it is holy, we sing together and His joy takes wing, we sit and He sits with us. God is always there when we gather in His name.
But it has been in these dark and densely quiet mornings that I have felt the Holy Hand the most this week.
When I look out the window into darkness, despair fills my heart and I am emptied out. The white sky dawns, masking out the winking stars and I am hollow inside. This kenosis leaves me lonely. C.S. Lewis said our best havings are wantings and I feel this truth as I stand on the edge of darkness.
I miss my sister on these dark mornings. I long for the days when we would whisper in the night, sharing heart-secrets and dreaming. I want to call her but too many long years have passed since the hush of our voices gave comfort. I think of my friend—the one who moved away. The one who loved me in all my weird, who understood my crazy. She knew the ways of a heart empty and filled.
I stare at the phone and turn away.
I know these things won’t soothe. I know this ache cannot be sated. I accept this empty for what it is. And even in this loneliness I feel the truth.
I am not alone.
How about you? How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. And come tell us about it.
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I’m a morning person and happiest in a place with no walls. Give me a bed of grass and a blanket-sky and I will dream deep in wonder. But a good story takes me to this place too. And a poem? Even better. You can always find me here. Or connect with me on on facebook, twitter, or pinterest.