Playdates with God: Lonely

These shortened days are full and we have been at church or with our church friends a lot lately. God is always there and He loves us through their hands, with their words. We eat together and it is holy, we sing together and His joy takes wing, we sit and He sits with us. God is always there when we gather in His name.
But it has been in these dark and densely quiet mornings that I have felt the Holy Hand the most this week.
When I look out the window into darkness, despair fills my heart and I am emptied out. The white sky dawns, masking out the winking stars and I am hollow inside. This kenosis leaves me lonely. C.S. Lewis said our best havings are wantings and I feel this truth as I stand on the edge of darkness.
I miss my sister on these dark mornings. I long for the days when we would whisper in the night, sharing heart-secrets and dreaming. I want to call her but too many long years have passed since the hush of our voices gave comfort. I think of my friend—the one who moved away. The one who loved me in all my weird, who understood my crazy. She knew the ways of a heart empty and filled.
I stare at the phone and turn away.
I know these things won’t soothe. I know this ache cannot be sated. I accept this empty for what it is. And even in this loneliness I feel the truth.
I am not alone. 
How about you? How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. And come tell us about it.

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Comments

  1. says

    sometimes that lonely feels like homesick, and i know that when i feel homesick at home that i am longing for him. the one who can always hold and whisper. beautiful piece. so true.

  2. says

    All the words you said here, we can all relate. It is triumph to find Him in those times when the heart lays low. Thanks for having the courage to share your true feelings and for providing a place for community.

  3. says

    Your post this morning touches me a in a deep place. It is something many of us don’t often talk about. “And even in this loneliness I feel the truth. I am not alone.”

    Your words remind me of this verse: “Each heart knows its own bitterness,and no one else can share its joy.” (Prov. 14:10). This verse came up in a Bible study a couple of years ago, and this is what I took away from it: we each walk a solitary path in a way, and must submit to be being misunderstood. I have those words written in my Bible next to that verse, because in life it is often this way. Yet there is One who knows our hearts, and that is truth, and comfort, amidst the loneliness. There is One who does walk with us and whispers to us in the shadows of the dawn and walks each lonely path with us.

  4. says

    “I am not alone.”

    We are not alone—the beautiful mystery.

    Your honesty is a salve to those of us who empathize because we know…..

  5. says

    I never had a sister, only a brother, but I watch my girls and see the bond. This reading here brought me to tears for your ache and for your beauty and for the way God speaks through you. Hugs, and prayers too.

  6. says

    Your honesty touches a place deep inside of me. The place where I have lived your post. I hope in the loneliness you’ve felt the arms of the One who loves you most.

  7. says

    Laura!
    I am without words for the beauty and truth and depth of what you’ve written here. That is all.
    Thank you for putting it out there into Cyberspace, this.

  8. says

    I appreciate you for speaking into this Laura. I know I’m not the only one who understands the feeling you describe. This “kenosis” word you used grabbed me…hmm. The emptiness. I know this. One definition has Christ voluntarily leaving (emptying himself) his attributes to identify with human suffering. I guess I’ve always thought that I was the one who was supposed to identify with his suffering …not the other way around.
    Ohhh, that he would come to me and sit with me in my mud puddle of loneliness and understand me. Thank God he is there in it with us,… he’s probably pretty good at making mud pies, huh? =) He’ll let us know when it’s time to be done with the mud puddle. Love and a hug.

  9. says

    beautiful…you captured this feeling so well…i know what this is like, when winter starts to set in…dealing with depression my whole life, yes, i know this pain…and i also know HIS TRUTH more! i want to know it more!

    neighbors today at L.L.’s place…i joined late…

    blessings in His grace,

    Nacole

  10. says

    This place…a feeling…a time…a yearning, Laura. I sense I know this well, and would like not to. “Kenosis” …emptying myself to be that earthen vessel for God to use as He wills. I want Him to fill me to full for His calling and plans for my life.
    LORD, may I be still. May You remove this loneliness from me, from these others, that the hole it leaves will be room for You…You alone. Amen.

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