Christmas Break

“What was today, Wednesday?” He asked, as I tucked him in last night.

I nodded.

“Oh, no, the week is going too fast!” 

He stretched and rolled into his blanket, grieving the passing of another day.

I know how he feels, have tried to hold on to these moments of slow … but each time I leave the house—leave them behind—I feel it slip away.  This morning, I left all three of them sleeping—tiptoed out of the house and siphoned onto the freeway. The traffic wasn’t bad … maybe the rest of the world was still sleeping too. I popped some new music into the stereo. New music makes me happy. I tried to listen but somehow, my mind kept drifting back to that place I just left.  And sometimes I wonder about the things that take us away from each other and I can get lost in how good it feels to miss you and these past few days I have been caught up in the beauty of our life together.

This is the rhythm of the world—the way it keeps spinning us apart and together, apart and together. Sometimes the fustiness of it all chains me but it always spins back around into wonder…

the scent of peppercorns and
garlic are all that’s left in
this dark kitchen, after so
much merry-making last
night.

while you sleep,
I take this cold bowl
of jambalaya with me—a
sad solatium for arms and
hands and lips and…the
warm of you.

to crawl back
under covers, curl away
from hiemal outsides, sip
from love a bit longer…
it’s an ache I cannot
feed.

our best havings are
wantings, Mr. Lewis said,
and I know it’s true, for
oh, how this missing
sweetens…for the coming
back together.

these days are short and
the wine goes quickly.
let us drink deeply,
love. new wine-skins
will only burst with the
ferment of this new.

better to mend the
tatter; smooth the
worn into a glossy
patina. and we will
grow rich together.

 With my sweet friend Jennifer today:

and dear Emily…

Comments

  1. says

    “smooth the worn into a glossy patina”… oh laura.

    i know. i miss my husband too. and he’s here, all the time with me, but i want more. 🙂 ever more of love.

    i’m not doing imperfect prose this week or next actually… taking a break from it all, but i’ve been missing you too! so glad i stopped by tonight. merry christmas!

  2. says

    Oh … girl.

    I read it once without the accompaniment of your “new music,” and then I couldn’t resist. I had to re-read it all again while listening to Ryan Adams.

    Rich. Both ways. Rich.

    My girls have been lamenting the fast-passing of this week, too. This reads very familiar to our own experience.

  3. says

    This is gorgeous, sweetly sad and so true to our experience of time flitting by, slipping through our fingers, beyond our control. And I only had to look up 2 words. :>) (One I used my Latin to ferret out, the other, I had no clue. Probably because I don’t live in an area of harsh winter…) Thanks for this.

  4. says

    Laura, you’re so full of beauty, and I’m glad it overflows here. Reading, I felt like I was seeing you at home, and then driving down the road, and then your mind and heart while driving. All of it beautiful.

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