Grace Glasses

It isn’t in anything that he says.
The words are helpful, instructive, encouraging.
So why do I want to curl into a ball and weep all day?
When the snow comes, I am relieved. I watch out the window as frail flakes bump up against each other in the white of the sky. The wind drops into our little valley in angry rushing sweeps, banging about bits of life and causing me to grip my sides firmly.
I might blow away.
I fall asleep amidst this sound of branches bending and loose bits of the world swirling in the current. But it’s not a restful sleep and I am awakened at five a.m. by a nightmare. I check on my boy, make sure it was just a dream, light a candle, and go downstairs.
I sit before the wind with no words, listen to the howling and see glimpses of glitter blowing by—mirrored in the light of the snow.
I have no words, so I move to the couch, fall back to sleep with my face pressed between two cushions.
I am not allowed to stay in this sorry state long. The boys are home on a long weekend and I’ve taken the chance to schedule their well-visits with the pediatrician. Here I learn we are behind on vaccines. And my eldest still has those big holes in the top of each eardrum. And he can barely see out of his right eye.
The doctor shakes his head. And I feel my stomach drop. He tells me how, if one eye is stronger than another, the brain will shut off vision to the weak eye over time.
“Better get this taken care of soon,” he says.
And then he starts talking about surgery for the boy’s ears. Six shots and two flu mists later, we leave, armed with an order for blood work and a referral to a local optometrist. The boys want to go out to lunch, plead with puppy dog eyes.
“We’ve just had all these shots, mom.”
We get home in the afternoon and I do more laundry, try to write a little, someone has stopped up the toilet, and I’ve promised a friend to stop by to hold her beautiful new baby.
These are ordinary things. The stuff of life. And I know that when you want to be successful at something, the ordinary gets a bit left behind–you have to work hard and worry about branding and have a marketing strategy and sell yourself.
I know these things.
Don’t you? Don’t you know that when working on a dream you have to put the ordinary things in a different place for a while, make sacrifices, and step up to a different side of who you are?
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know that that dream you cradle requires stepping out of the ordinary…if only for a season?
It does. It’s true.
But don’t you—not even for one minute—don’t you believe that this is what defines you.
Who you are is in the ordinary moments. The ways you breathe in and out of the day. This is how they will remember you; this is your legacy.
And it’s a beautiful one. Sometimes that’s easy to forget when the dream looms large.
I want to weep when I listen to that voice—the one that says, “You will never be enough. You cannot do this thing you desire.”
Hear this, dear heart—hear this, my heart: You are enough.
You are enough because His grace is sufficient.
So don’t fight it. Live into each moment. Because, just as the brain needs help sometimes to steward vision best…sometimes the heart needs help to see too.
Grace is the best lens to look through.
And there is nothing ordinary about that.

Comments

  1. says

    Laura, you spoke my thoughts exactly and I’m certain of others also! We are already enough in Him and He will help us carry out His good design for us and through us touch others. Your writing does that already….I am so sorry you are going through such hard health issues with your son…..he is blessed to have you as his mother! Thank you, that in the midst of storms you are taking the time to write and share…..such evidence the Spirit is working through you right now where you are! Blessings to you sister-in-Christ……Cate

  2. says

    Wow. Thank you for writing your heart. For sharing your internal journey with juggling the ordinary…the amazing and sometimes overwhelming ordinary moments that add up to life. I can relate to your heart as you shared. So thankful that the Lord can carry you through this time…wash over you and renew you in this time…and fill you anew each day so that you continue to follow your dream a midst the daily, extraordinary ordinary moments.

    I am praying for you and your boys and your hubby. Wish I could give you BIG HUG, sweet friend. Thank you for sharing His Grace today.

    growing in His Grace,

    Mary Joy

  3. says

    This is exquisite. You are extra-ordinarily ordinary in that these are the voices we all hear. You are extraordinary in that you will not let them keep you away from His voice and His calling. I loved this tidbit of your heart.

  4. says

    This entire post is wonderful from the snow flakes to the mood of your heart to the messages of failure to the empowering words of ‘you are enough.’ Believe it to be true and we will believe with you. Press on to your dream my friend and it will happen in time.

  5. says

    Laura,
    You wrote these words just for me, though I don’t expect you knew it at the time.

    I am sitting here in my newly-relocated writing space, and I’ve rediscovered that dream.

    (You know a little bit about it…)

    I’m on its trail. And the ordinary, yes, it comes right along with me as I sniff along this new path.

    Thank you. You’ve blessed me here.

  6. Jan says

    You ARE the grace. He made you in His image. Your gentle walk in His shadow is filled with His Love and grace. Time is an illusion. Once in our lives it seems to extend forever and, as it passes, it appears to go faster but in fact it remains the same. Thank you for sharing your day to day walk. My prayer are with you daily my friend.

  7. says

    Don’t you just love that our lives are now all viewed through grace. Nothing like it in our human understanding….so let us all press in to walk out more and more His ways…abiding to flow with Jesus hearing only His thoughts , ignoring our own. Grace, grace, sweet grace—open our spirits further Father to embrace You!

    God is so creative— you’ll be stunned what He can pour forth in you, His beloved.

  8. says

    You have wrestled your way to such a rich truth, Laura. That’s it for me for tonight. I don’t want another word to pass in front of me before I go to sleep. And tomorrow the Sabbath. You’ve sent me sailing into it on such peaceful waters.

  9. says

    This is what I needed to read today. Thank you, Laura. “Who you are is in the ordinary moments. The ways you breathe in and out of the day…” Breathing in and out and holding onto grace. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers. Best wishes for a beautiful Sunday.

  10. says

    Thank you for this as I struggle to follow my dream against what seems so many odds. Is my poetry even close to being worth publishing as some have said. Will I ever finish a piece of fiction? For that matter, will I ever finish anything I’ve started?

    But this…

    Who you are is in the ordinary moments. The ways you breathe in and out of the day. This is how they will remember you; this is your legacy.

    Thank you for this! Because that’s what I’m really seeking. To leave a legacy. That leads to Him.

    Love you!

  11. says

    Oh, boy. Man alive. Yes, indeedy. On target. Ouch. Lord, have mercy. Refract my vision to see only you, only grace. LOVELY, lovely Laura. Thank you so much. It is surely who we are in the ordinary that counts. I’m loving this recap of your extraordinary, ordinary day and praying for you and your boys in the middle of it all.

  12. says

    May God give you strength to take care of your needs and your family needs. May he give you dreams of his sweet and merciful self. And then if he wishes to bring to fruition the dreams you’re trying to carry out, it will be his responsibility to get you to where you’re supposed to be. Dreams for how we may serve him well and let him love us well, are wonderful, but when we get to heaven, or when he comes again to earth to reign, it will be the intent of our hearts toward him, and not how much on the measuring stick we’ve accomplished or whether we’re good enough. (HE IS good enough!) (I’m preaching to myself first here; this is the cry my fainting heart needs to hear. Hope the thoughts bring comfort to you, as well.)

  13. says

    You must always do what is right for your children.

    “Your daughter will be dead soon if you don’t get her to the hospital” were the Doctors words. We took her right away. “Your son cannot see his own feet” the eye doctor said. We took him to a specialist and at an early age he was fitted with glasses. Taking care of my family I had to put some dreams aside or at least I could not go full speed ahead.

    YOU are a valuable instrument in God’s kingdom, and HE always makes a WAY when there seems to be none.

  14. says

    It’s AMAZING grace — and I’m so thankful for this gift. Life is sometimes hard. You are an awesome writer and I always know I’ll find nuggets of treasures when I visit. I think I’ll think of grace glasses when I reach for mine!

  15. says

    Thank you for helping me today Laura. Yes, sometimes the brain needs help, the heart needs help and your tender raw truth has touched both in me. You are his grace to me in this. Hug.

  16. says

    This was just so blessed honest and ordinary and true. And haven’t you spoken for all of us here. This is my first visit…so much wisdom, so little time to absorb it all.

  17. says

    Oh Laura—so very true. The few things that remain we will only see through grace’s lens. Our default is the flesh. We know it.

    To live the grace life is challenge I am learning to take with the Savior”s provision so that these eyes may see, really see…

  18. says

    Laura,
    Thank you for being so open. I can relate to the struggle of pressing forward in God’s calling yet wondering if you have what it takes. Then He reminds me “If I called you to it, I will help you get to it.” Life’s distractions tend to drown out his daily promises to us. Keep pressing forward. He will get you their because you have what it takes…you have HIM!

    Praying for you and your family.
    Diana

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