The dawn blooms red on Fat Tuesday—the sky unfolding like petals and light spills slow over our world. I stand by the window wringing my hands.
Could it really be time already? Didn’t I just find those reindeer last week—the ones I missed when packing up the Christmas decorations? How can it be Lent already? I sit down on the steps, try to gather up time.
Teddy slips past me and stops by the window—studies the red giving way to pinks and blues.
“Oh, wow,” he says. “Look at that.”
His words make me stare. He never notices these things. But there he is, face pressed to the window.
“Look, mom,” he says, not taking his eyes off the sky.
I rise and stand beside him—shoulder to shoulder. But it’s not the sky that holds my eyes and this new side of my son only serves to confirm how the time slips through my fingers.
These liturgical seasons have a way of naming my lack. This is when I long for rich family traditions or a strong youth pastor to invest in my boys. This is when I long to have the tools to open up their heads—open up their hearts—and pour it all in. And I can’t help but to ask, am I doing enough?
And I wonder if they are really getting it—do they really know what it means to be loved by Christ and to follow him? Do I?
A mamma wants so much for her children—she wants to give them everything. But perhaps one of the best gifts she can give is space for their faith to become their own.
I shift my eyes to the horizon and it takes my breath away. And I remember what Amy Sherman said in her workshop at Jubilee this past weekend. She had a slide that was a jumble of words: Joy, Peace, Hope, Wholeness, Reconciliation, Shalom, Justice, Charity, and…and Beauty and so on. Ms. Sherman called these things foretastes of the Kingdom of God. Jesus is in this tired world, she said. And He is pressing these things into our lives. Joining Him in Kingdom work means to make these things a greater reality. Right now.
I think of these things as I look at that slow moving red across the morning sky. And I know this moment is enough. I lean into my boy who is now taller than I.
“Yeah,” I say. “Just look at that.”
With my sweet friend Jennifer today:
And with kd: