The air collides hard with the window panes this morning—slides down the glass in shattered rivulets.
We’ve been doing a lot of praying and worry rests heavy on the brow and just the other day I asked God, “Who would want this?” Who would? Who would look at my life and want to be a Christian? How can I be a good witness when nothing comes together easily? God was quiet on the issue but I sensed Him as my underpinnings and I took that as a reminder of how He holds me together.
It’s just that lately I can’t seem to find the beautiful and this feeling of empty is when faith becomes an anchor. It’s all the little foxes that keep nipping at my heels and I know it’s the same for everyone but after all this time—after all this study—shouldn’t my eyes be tuned to the way the Divine moves in these moments?
Just yesterday I sat among God’s people and waited to give them a Word. He met me there—in these faces I’d never seen before. It was the first time I would preach outside of my own church walls and I thought I’d be nervous. Never mind that I told them to sit when they should stand and stand when they should sit—they all looked at me with kindness and love. It felt like an embrace and as I waited for the time to deliver the message, a young woman played Ave Maria on her violin and right there it was—beauty. Right there in that little A-frame church with the Blenko stained glass transoms. That music had fingers and they passed over my spine and trailed lightly along my skin. I closed my eyes and felt the Spirit inside of me lift up to meet beauty right there.
And, oh, this is how God moves—lifting on air and winding in and out of strangers and making them family.
Isn’t this how worship should be? To call on the One with the deep spirit-voice inside and call on Him with one voice?
I’ll never forget that first time away and how music stretched my definition of home. And when these little foxes nip and snap at me, I close my eyes.
And Beauty meets me once again.
How do you embrace the God-joy? Every Monday I’ll be sharing one of my Playdates with God. I would love to hear about yours. It can be anything: outside, quiet time. Maybe it’s solitary. Maybe it’s loud and crowded. Just find Him. Be with Him. Grab my button at the bottom of the page and join us:
The Playdates button:
Sharing with L.L. Barkat today also: