We do not Walk Alone

This morning the steady thrum of the falling rain is a balm for my spirit. I have been preoccupied, concerned about many things. It has separated me from God—stolen my words, which are my way to his heart. And I’ve been questioning myself—who I am, where I am, what I desire. It always makes me wonder, why is the voice of doubt so loud in my mind? Don’t I know who I am by now?

When I was on retreat a couple weeks ago, I confided in a friend some of the things wearing on my mind lately.
What do you do with that? She wanted to know. Do you have some technique to help?
I just pray, I said. And she seemed disappointed. I always think that those who’ve been on their faith walk longer must have some secret,she said. And I’ve been pondering her words ever since.
Is there some secret formula to getting through the difficult?
I do carry a certain scripture with me wherever I go. I recite it to myself when my thoughts turn unruly. This helps, but it certainly doesn’t take away this hard stuff. So lately I have wanted to disappear, go through the motions of life unseen and hide under a blanket of shame and doubt. But Jesus? He never leaves me. He walks beside and gently points to my discomfort.
Pay attention to this,he says, over and over again. It is teaching you.
And so, instead of hiding in this difficult place, I am trying to stand tall in the midst of it; to look around at what it speaks into me and learn. I’m not doing a very good job of it. This is what it feels like to be humbled. I don’t much like it. But I’m learning to see differently.

And after all this time, to grow … to keep changing and conforming to his image … it’s all gift, all grace. We do not walk alone.

with dear Lyli today.

Comments

  1. Megan Willome says

    “Is there some secret formula to getting through the difficult?”–Nope. I wish there were. But it helps to have friends like you to walk alongside.

  2. says

    This just slipped into my inbox and I realize it echoes my earlier thoughts to you. Just wanted to say how proud I am that you stood tall here and shared your heart vulnerably. I know that isn’t easy. Thinking of you today, got your card in my mailbox . . . he’s still doing the dishes. *wink*

  3. Beth says

    So grateful I stopped in this morning. I’ve been wanting to hide lately but yes this is what I feel…that He wants me to “look around at what it speaks into me and learn.” Thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings.

  4. says

    Oh, it seems you were in my head. I want to badly to crawl into a hole and turn into myself and hide from everyone. Thank you, Laura, for sharing your heart and being vulnerable in this space. I needed these words…they are balm for my soul this morning.

  5. OutnumberedMom says

    Do you know what I love about this? You’re not just slogging through the land of doubt and trouble, you’re looking for treasure to take out as you emerge on the other side! That’s wonderful. Yes, faith is a gift–and sometimes, we ask for more.

  6. jan says

    It is strength we get from adversity. I remember asking God not to make me so strong. I was weary that life wasn’t where I wanted it to be..I wasn’t where I wanted to be then I realized God had me where I needed to be. Struggling with the adversity in life is life. Trusting God to guide our path is hard. When I can’t see the solution I stop to praise Him, trust Him, and wait for the still small voice to teach me how to proceed. Giving the control away is not easy. May the Lord give you strength for the quest you are on. May you find Him in the unexpected places of your life. Blessings to you.

  7. Amy L. Sullivan says

    Don’t I know who I am by now? That’s a biggie isn’t it? One we think we should have all figured out. When I was young, I thought the older you got, the more things would make sense. I’m convinced it may be the opposite. Love your vulnerability here.

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