Tilled

When I drive to work in the morning, I am brave. I am held by music and my breath feels strong under a vast and opening sky and I think of all the things I will say and do to make it better—mend what is broken, be a better friend, a better therapist, a better worker …
Why does the bravery vanish when I step into my office? When all the concrete details of this thing I must tend rise up to meet me? It’s easier to maintain the status quo. It’s easier to just do the job, fill the space, run on auto all day long.
And lately I’ve been feeling like it will take a miracle to fix some things. Because I’m not brave enough. Or smart enough, or strong enough, or big enough. I’m not enough.
In the commentary I am reading, William Barclay says, “The one essential for a miracle is faith … The way to a miracle is to place one’s life in the hands of Jesus Christ and say: ‘I know that you can make me what I ought to be.’”
I know that you can make me what I ought to be.
There was a time I tried to do it on my own. Who am I kidding? I still do. When everything is on fire all around you the hardest thing to do is stand still, open the hands, and offer yourself up. These seasons of doubt always seem to level the field—doubt is the plough that runs over me, tilling the soil of my heart, preparing it for a new planting.
I am not enough.
I don’t have to be.

And neither do you. Let the freedom of that truth be planted deep inside of you today.


The winner of Sheila Lagrand’s Remembering for Ruth series is Tami Tipton-Fletcher! Congratulations, Tami. If you’ll send me your email address (to laraj@suddenlink.net) I’ll forward it to Sheila so she can get you your prize!

Comments

  1. Dave Lee says

    Laura, graciously done (again)! But now I can’t help wondering… How much doubt continues to be necessary to keep the spiritual soil from becoming a hardened wasteland WITHOUT so much plowing that new growth gets turned under, never to see the light of day? It feels as though that balance is exactly what I am seeking but cannot yet find…

  2. says

    It is a difficult balance to achieve, isn’t it? And when I am in the middle of it, it doesn’t feel like a fertile place at all. And I’m not very gracious, I’m afraid to say. But it’s when I gain some distance–when I step back–that I can usually see the ploughed field, the soil waiting for the seed. I just wish it didn’t take so long for harvest time to come 🙂

  3. Mia says

    Dear Laura
    The most difficult thing for us humans to do, is to understand that it is actually because we are not good enough, that Jesus came to rescue us. Only when we know how weak we are, can we receive His strength and His life.
    Blessings xx
    Mia

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