West Virginia Morning: Friday, First Week of Lent

Image 2-27-15 at 10.24 AMThis week, dawn breaks earlier and I am day-blind, staring out the window at the snow-crusted meadow, unable to see anything beyond my sight.

I have had few words.

The goings-on around here have been all consuming and worry, palpable. I’ve beaten my plow into sword; hold my spear at the ready. That which I used to sow is my weapon, and I am on offense now. I practice speaking truth out loud, let promises shine into the darkness of my heart. Romans 8 has been my floodwall and I whisper over and over you are working all things together, Lord. All. Things. Even this.

We’ve been holding hands more, praying together as our bodies touch, inviting God into this fear. When I don’t know what to do, I try loving better. It is Lent and I am feeling unfocused and undisciplined in this, my quiet season. If I cannot be present to those I rub shoulders with every day, what good are my words anyway? And yet I struggle with the fear that when I fall silent on the page I will disappear.

I’ve been sitting with this fear this week, letting it lead me deeper into the heart of God. And you know what? I’m still here. I’m still here and feeling a little surprised by the wide gap between what I think will bring the happy and what actually does. Things like, grating fresh ginger for a new recipe, or walking on top of frozen snow, surprising a friend with a bouquet of flowers for her birthday (I don’t feel like I’m 88 years old, she said) and listening to her tell some of her story, or watching an animated short and giggling with my loves.

There is so much beauty in this broken world. Every square ince is covered and bathed in the glory of God’s amazing grace.

Comments

  1. says

    “That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.” The first battlefield is our mind. The evil one delights in deceiving us and convincing us that all is lost. But all is not lost. All has been gained. And that is a Truth that will never change. March on Christian soldier, with the sword of the Spirit and the promises of God. May God’s word comfort and strengthen you and your family this week, Laura.

  2. says

    Laura when your words are ‘gone’ and then reappear I appreciate them all the more. God has been spreading himself far and wide across the impossibilities I’ve been part of lately–family and friends far and near have been challenged beyond challenges. But God. If He is not a God of the impossible, well then, He is no God.
    I love your words, friend.

  3. says

    I too recognize fear stalking when the words don’t come – and, yes, whispers that I might disappear if they don’t because God designed it to be such a part of me – yet, I know to wait, to not rush, to find Him and, eventually in the time spent with Him – He fills me up. Sometimes, He just wants us to soak in His grace, to find His treasures He leaves for us – and find the holiness in the wait. Shalom, Laura – all week long!
    ~Maryleigh

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